Chef John's Face Pie Recipe

"No people were harmed in the making of this horribly humanoid French-Canadian meat pie, a creepy centerpiece for any Halloween dinner party...."

INGREDIENTS
Crust:
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
2 sticks unsalted butter, sliced, frozen
2 teaspoons distilled white vinegar
7 tablespoons ice cold water
Spice Blend:
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon dried sage
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground mustard
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1 pinch cayenne pepper
Filling:
1 large russet potato, peeled and quartered
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 tablespoon butter
1 large onion, finely chopped
1 pinch salt
4 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 cup finely diced celery
1 pound ground beef
1 pound ground pork
Egg Wash:
1 large egg
1 tablespoon water
1/2 grape
2 drops red food coloring, or as needed
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