Start by mincing up some garlic.
And dice some onion.
Then throw the onion and garlic in a pot with some olive oil over medium heat. Stir them around and cook them for a few minutes, just long enough for the house to smell so good that everyone runs into the kitchen, embraces you, and says "What's for dinner, darling mother and wife? We're ready to eat."
And then you yell "Psyche!" and then you cackle in a very evil manner.
Grab some of that there Italian sausage. (Pronounced "Eye-talian")…
And mash it in the pot with the onions and garlic.
Throw in some hamburger, too.
Or just use sausage!
Or just use hamburger!
It's a free country, Maynard!
Sorry I called you Maynard.
I’m also monumentally sorry about all the exclamation points.
Stir it around until the meat’s all brown.
Drain off the fat (but please leave a little bit to make sure the whole baked dish is nice and moist and oh-so-decadent) and pour in a big ol’ can of whole tomatoes…
And a regular ol' can or two of tomato sauce.
You could also just throw in a couple of jars of prepared marinara sauce. But I love the chunks of 'maters.
Stir it around and add some salt and pepper.
Throw in some Italian seasoning… or whatever mix of things like parsley, basil, oregano, etc., that you want.
And for a little spice…red pepper flakes!
Then just let the sauce simmer on low.
While the sauce is simmering, bawl up some mostaccioli.
Drain it just before it reaches the al dente stage. It's going to bake in the oven later, so you want it to have a fighting chance to have some bite when it’s done.
The sauce looks good!
So spoon a good three or four cups of the sauce into a separate bowl to cool off a bit.
You'll see why in approximately 1.0293874 minutes.
Meantime, make the cheese mixture. Use your very scary hand that resembles a naked chicken to grab a tub of ricotta.
Plop it into a bowl, then laugh when it plops into the bowl in one piece.
Hahahahahahaha!
Hahaha!
Haha.
Ha.
I feel better now.
Grate a bunch of mozzarella…
And throw it into the bowl.
Next, add a bunch of parmesan/romano/asiago… anything in that family, or a combination of the three.
Crack in an egg, and add some salt and pepper.
Then give it a few stirs. Not enough to totally mix it together—you want big clumps of ricotta still intact.
Throw in the (cooled, rinsed) pasta…
And toss it in the cheese mixture—again, don't mix the heck out of it. Just toss. Toss peacefully.
Now just pour on the sauce that’s been cooling.
I love life.
Toss it as you go…
And add some more if you think it needs it. You want it to be really creamy, but really saucy too.
Not to be picky or anything!
Ha.
Now, pour half the coated pasta into a very big, very honkin' casserole dish.
Spoon some extra sauce over the top…
Then grate some more mozzarella and sprinkle it over the sauce.
Add the rest of the pasta, packing it down a bit after you add it.
Then spoon on the rest of the sauce…
And add more mozzarella.
Actually, have your daughter add more mozzarella.
Then check her fingernails and say, "Ew! Grody, man."
Then listen to her retort, "I learned it from you, mom."
Then cry and imagine a different way of life. One that involves lovely fingernails and pantyhose.
Then put all of those thoughts out of your mind. It's best not to go there.
Bake it in the oven until it's nice and bubbly and awesome!
Then sprinkle on some chopped fresh parsley if you have it.
Or don't, if you don't have it. I'm easy.
Come and get it!
Yum.
You can also try slicing it into squares… but it needs to sit and set a bit first.
Have I mentioned this is delicious?
You'll like it.
You'll love it!
You'll devour it.
