"Whomp" Biscuits

Diane C.


Super easy, and ready in 15 minutes.

The name of these biscuits is inspired by the Southern Humorist
Lewis Grizzard,from one of his stories.
This is NOT a serious recipe.

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10 Min
15 Min


1 can(s)
refridgerated biscuits, preferably homestyle


1Preheat oven as directed on the package.
2Peel the label off the tube of biscuits. WHOMP the tube on the edge of the counter to open the tube. If the tube doesn't open the first time, whomp it harder the second time.
3Remove the dough from the tube, separating the biscuits and placing them on a baking sheet. Set the biscuits about 2 inches apart. They will expand as they bake. You can brush the top with a little melted butter for a "homemade" look.
4Place the baking sheet in the preheated oven. Set your timer for the baking time on the label.
5Pull out your flour canister. Grab a healthy pinch of flour. Toss it up into the air and walk through it. That makes you look like you've been hard at work.
Make some pounding/slapping noises, grunting at the same time. Slam some cupboard doors, muttering, "where is that bowl?"
6Set out a pretty bowl or basket. Line it with a cloth napkin or colorful clean towel.
7When the timer goes off, remove the baking sheet from the oven. Place the hot biscuits into your bowl or basket. Carry them out to your guests.
8When your guests rave about them and grab for seconds, say it is an old family recipe.
These biscuits are very versatile. You can bake them on top of a meat pie filling. You can roll them flat, fill them with leftovers, pinch the sides together and bake them as pasties. You can cut them into chunks, dip them in melted butter, roll them in a sugar/cinnamon mixture pile them in a heap and make a pull-apart cake. You can fold them into origami cranes and bake them. Or little airplanes. Maybe even a boat. With a sail, of course. Oooh, a rowboat with a pair of oars. Yeah, that would work. Are you laughing yet? Gee, I hope so. I know, your MOM said "Don't play with your food." "But Mom, it is so much fun."

About this Recipe

Course/Dish: Biscuits
Main Ingredient: Bread
Regional Style: American
Other Tag: Quick & Easy